Are you feeling unhappy right now? Do you think that the origin is in your current relationship? Maybe it's time to talk to that person. We all try our best to keep our relationship healthy by sharing good morning images, I love you images or occasionally going on short trips every month. However, sometimes it does not work. 

“How do I tell my partner that I am not happy? How do I explain to him that there is something wrong and all I feel is stress and pressure?”. Who more and who less has been seen in a similar situation in the relational and affective plane. Because sometimes what began as almost a fairy tale, leads to a situation of stagnation and even disappointment that is difficult to manage or face.

Beyond love is undoubtedly the type of relationship we build. No matter how much we love that special person, or how old the relationship is,  the most important thing is the bond, the quality of treatment, communication, care, reciprocity... We know that there are many factors that oxygenate and nourish that alliance, but there are others that can consume it.

Realizing that one is unhappy is not something that happens overnight. It is a slow process that is macerated by disappointments, truncated expectations, routines that drown illusions, despair... At first, you do not finish assuming that indefinable feeling that dulls your spirit, until finally there is no turning back. You have to act.

Revealing our unhappiness to the loved one is a priority. We can't keep fooling ourselves, and neither can the other person.

Before telling our partner that we are not happy, let's ask ourselves how we got to that feeling.

Strategies to tell your partner that you are not happy

The writer Sylvia Plath used to say that at one point in her life she felt her lungs swell with an avalanche of air, trees, mountains and people. She took for granted that this, and no other, was happiness. It is like breathing intensely, repulsively and deeply. On the contrary, unhappiness is shortness of breath and sorrow.

When a lack of enthusiasm, motivation and vitality in one of its members is installed in a couple's relationship, it is a cause for concern. After all, love is supposed to be, above all else, about experiencing happiness, harmony, and contentment. What happens when one of the two does not feel it? How to tell the other couple that we are not happy?

It is important to clarify that no relationship is a permanent bed of roses, nor is harmony experienced 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There are bumps, there are discussions, problems and disappointments. However, the fact that this happens is not an inescapable sign that this link is going to break. It is an evident sign that there is something that we must face and try to solve.

Let's see what guidelines we should take into account in case we find ourselves in this situation.

Sometimes, the unhappiness we feel does not originate in the relationship itself, but in other dimensions that we are neglecting. If this is the case, they must be addressed before our quality of life and the bond with the loved one wears out even more.

1. Reflect: why are you unhappy? What has brought you to this situation?

Before sharing that emotional reality with your partner, reflect. What has been going on to make you feel that way? It is necessary to clarify what has triggered this feeling. Knowing the origin will allow us to understand the causes and think about coping strategies. To do this, try to answer these questions:

  • When did I start feeling this way?
  • What situations intensify or reduce this feeling of unhappiness?
  • What could solve this lack of well-being and illusion?

It is possible that the cause of our discomfort is not in the relationship itself but in another context. There are social and psychological realities that can orchestrate this feeling, such as work or lack of it, personal or existential problems, lack of self-esteem, the weight of past traumas, etc.

2. Focus on your feelings and expose what you feel without projecting blame

How to tell my partner that I am not happy? Well, dimensions such as sincerity, assertiveness and making use of the first person to explain what you feel are decisive. Use sentences that start with “I believe, I feel, I want”.

It is important in all cases not to blame. Avoid expressions like “it is that you only think of yourself”. It is better to start this dialogue by clearly exposing our personal reality and how we feel.

3. Promote empathic listening and prepare for the other person's reaction

Dr. Diana R. Garland, from the University of Louisville, conducted research on the benefits of training couples in a very specific skill: active and empathic listening. Few dimensions structure a relationship in such a healthy way as knowing how to listen to the other.

In this way, it is a priority that your partner is able to attend to you and understand your personal reality. Keep in mind that few things can be received as worryingly as this fact. That the loved one reveals to us that he is not happy is highly painful and worrying.

Therefore, you must also be prepared for their reaction. Listening to what that person has to say is also decisive.

4. Prepare for change

Unhappiness can be the origin of a personal problem, such as unemployment, latent depression, unresolved trauma, etc. One can maintain a relationship, love the other person, but not be happy for reasons beyond that bond. These situations occur with excessive frequency and it is necessary to know how to deal with them.

Or if you feel your partner is not giving you enough time, plan a short trip with him, where you both are all alone free from all work, calculate the days between dates for your trip and go Asap. 

In difficult times it is more necessary than ever to have the support of your partner. And let's keep it in mind, authentic love is nothing more than mutual commitment in any challenge and circumstance. It is this active and authentic response capacity to the needs of the other person that allows us to solve any challenge or problem.

If the reason for our happiness is in the lack of love, let's not prolong what doesn't make sense out of pity or indecision. With this, we will only intensify our suffering.

Last but not least, unhappiness in most cases stems from a lack of love. Feelings wear out, go out and also fade. If this is our case, let's not prolong impossible situations. Let's not wait "to see what happens, to see if the other person changes, or it is possible that something happens and you love him again".

When disappointment and lack of affection arise, the fact of prolonging the relationship can give way to contempt, more discussions, betrayals and unpleasant experiences.

Let's avoid it, let's act maturely and put an end to that relationship, making the reason clear. Doing so, expressing clearly that we have stopped loving the other, will prevent false hopes from being harboured.

Unhappiness always has an origin that we must clarify. Knowing how to respond to what happens to us will allow us to act in the face of the circumstances that orchestrate it to recover our well-being.

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